I’ve been trying to be positive about living here (as in SK) and so have been trying to notice and appreciate things about living here that I wouldn’t have in, say, Canada.  And you know what, sometimes I do smile and think that it’s great and convenient and relatively easy and that I could stay here longer.

Then little things will creep in and shake up the bubble that I tried to create.

Hubby gleefully expressed that they would have the whole week after Christmas off, to which I didn’t respond.  He also said that most likely they’d go home early on Christmas eve because they’d have had their drunk fest year end party the night before.

“Aren’t you happy?”

“I just don’t believe that it’ll happen.”

“It’s already been approved.  We have the whole week off.”

“Right ….”

“What?  Why are you so pessimistic about this happening?”

“Seriously?  With the amount of times that they’ve done this?  You must be joking.  Let me put it this way – they only way that I believe that you’ll have the week off is when you’re sleeping in on Monday morning.”

That was on the weekend.  Lo and behold, it’s Christmas eve and he won’t be home until after 11.  And they have to work on Monday.

Yes, I should be… we’ve got up to 20 people coming over for Christmas dinner… silly girl, whywhywhy did you think this was a good idea when you know that your husband can’t be around to help you?  Well, it has helped to light a fire under both our butts to get furniture ordered (no, I don’t want to talk about how slow we are on that front – nor do I want to talk about how most of it is coming the week after Christmas).

Right.  So I played the patience game with the butchers at Costco and … I lost.  The only way to get what you want is to keep smiling and wait them out.  Freaking out doesn’t help.  But for some reason there’s the mentality that “the shop owner ALWAYS knows best” and if you suggest something you’re scoffed at.  Well, I’ve had enough with not getting what I want so I’ll just stand here and stare at you … FINE!  I can’t handle it anymore.  You win.  Ok.  Perhaps I should explain.  I’m cooking a roast for dinner but the only ones they had were those 80,000 won ones that are 20lbs and WAY too big for my measly oven.  I only really wanted half of it and wanted them to cut it for me.  Lots of waiting and asking and smiling and waiting later I ended up with the whole 20lbs but cut into 5 pieces – still a lot of freaking meat.  I’ll cook 2 or 3 of the hunks when the numbers are finalized.

I kind of just feel like curling up and watching a cheesy movie … need to make bruschetta and a dessert tonight … dips, sliced veggies, and cleaning all tomorrow.  Lovely friends are bringing a pork dish and various side dishes.  I have a feeling we’ll have way too much food and be eating leftovers for weeks (fingers crossed on roast beef sandwiches!!)

I went to the dollar store again – I kind of tried to sneak in because I’ve had hubby return 2 things within the span of a day because they were the wrong size and I was worried I’d get the stank eye.  I was creeping along the aisles searching for a meat thermometer and string (to tie the roast together) and needed to ask for help.

(AND how is it that many of the things made in these countries (that I’ve lived in in Asia) make all this cheap crap but export it to Canada, to never have it here again?).

Meat thermometer – no go.

String?  Well, first they offered some baby fine thread which I tried to emphasize would go up in smoke in the oven.  Then they pulled out some metal, Christmassy looking stuff which I shook my head at.  Finally, bless them for trying so hard, pulled out shoe laces — um… to wrap around roast …  no thank you, but thank you for trying to help!

Never fear guests that read this, no shoes laces will be used on the beef.

But I may need to break into the chips and dip tonight to encourage me on …

Although equipped with a vernacular of the token sailor kind, I generally do not  swear while at work.

Today I failed.

It’s final exams and that means oodles of paperwork and coffee.  Picture it, headed into my classroom, jacket on, I had my shoulder bag full of exams, stereo in one hand, coffee in the other, water bottle tucked into the crook of my arm, chalk held in cigarette like fashion, and some papers held in fingers that were out-the-door grabs.  I went into the room and there were nervous students there to greet me.  A flurry of questions are tossed out and I attempt to answer them all in turn while going over to put down my burdens.  Then I get a tap on my arm and so I spin to see who it is and end up spilling coffee.  I should clarify that I didn’t just spill it.  No, I managed to get coffee from my wrist to my upper forearm.  What’s my automatic reaction?

“Oh shit!”

Wide eyed looks from my students (who are in university btw).

(Think to self) “OOO crap!” (for swearing in class)  ”Damnit” (I just did it again.  I’m an idiot.  How the hell did all the swears come out and nothing else???)

“AAGGGHHH sorry!!  You didn’t hear that.  Hahahaha (nervous laughter from me).

Of course they’ve heard it all before but it’d be nice to try to maintain some sort of professional image.

Merry Christmas!  (hahaha, I don’t know why that cracks me up).

2.5 years and we are leaving! * YAY

People in this country have explosive tempers and as you can see from this blog, I do too.  This is not a personality trait that I’d like to foster.

Last night was the deciding factor.  About to get off the train I grabbed my ridicously heavy should bag from the overhead compartment/rack thing and as I slung it with a grunt over my shoulder some old man was walking by and got nudged by it.  I quickly pulled my bag back thinking, shit I hit someone.  He stops, turns and starting yelling, in my face.  I looked around in shock, thinking, there’s no way you are yelling at me for a mistake.  Then everyone turns around to see what the hell is going on, since I can only assume that this prick was swearing at me.  Well, never one to be shy I started to yell back at him.  Then, a man younger than the yelling grandpa and older then me, intervenes and tells something to the old asshole.  The old man stops yelling for about 2 seconds and then starts up again.

So, that’s it.  I have had enough of assholes in this country that are making me stressed out and turning me into that crazed “foreigner” that I don’t want to be.   It’s time to get out of Asia altogether.  When I’m done my masters I’ll have been in Asia for 8 years.  That’s more than enough for me.

Mentally I need to know that there is an end date, something that I can mark off on the calendar.

*although my brain is now working overtime at the thought of this and it could be sooner.

I’ve never been good at being told what to do.  My dad calls it the donkey syndrome; if you try to push me into doing something, I’ll resist with all my might, but if you let me gradually do it myself I’ll get it done (of which he suffers from as well hence the aptly named syndrome).  AND thankfully I grew up in a household of DS’s that acknowledged this and helped one another to develop coping strategies to deal with DS and others who have it.

Now, understandably, DS’s aren’t keen on following organized religion.  Nope, that there’s a no go.  Basically any system of control make us feel uncomfortable and trapped.

SO me living in a country where everything is based on control through age and gender … well, sometimes I snap.

The blatant sexism in Asia, I assume, is one of the reasons why you don’t find that many international women working here unless they have a partner here.

The “negotiation” style here is also very aggressive.  There is no “Can/Could/Would/Do” only “You have to …” which again activates DS.  (Maybe I should change to discourse analysis for my masters …. nah, too much typing).

And then there’s the yelling if adults don’t get what they want.  The whining if women don’t get what they want from older men.  And the chest puffing + yelling from older men … well, in many situations.  It seems that the men here have been so “gruff and tough” that women adapted their mannerism to that of whining to get what they wanted since they weren’t able to yell and freak out as much.  I should point out that this doesn’t just happen in Korean.  The whine factor was very prevalent in Taiwan as well — not sure about other Asian nations, readers?

Younger men here seem to be developing their own distinct whine which grates on the nerves equally well, in what one can only assume is a counterbalance to the extreme “machoism” that previously dictated male stature here; picture young, obscurely thin male in a pink shirt, with a bit a squeal to the voice and a slight raise of the foot that will almost lead the the ubiquitous foot stomp.

But what about those in the middle aged group.  Those almost drone like people that you can hear marching walking in unison each morning to go back to bosses that treat them as though they were less than human.  Employees here are so over worked that they don’t even have time to complain or attempt to begin the process of change, to enforce whatever pathetic labour laws are in place here.

Perhaps other spouses of Korean’s experience a different side to Seoul’s work mentality, and hopefully it is a better side.  But, from my personal experience, and that of my husband, I will attest that Seoul office life is far worse than I could ever have imagined it to be.

I had heard tales of employees working late and forced drinking, but you don’t dwell on your thoughts about it.  You don’t honestly assume that it can go on all the time for otherwise an individual would drop – energy, focus, attention span, health.

Let me try to explain an average week, from my perspective of my husband’s job.  Do note that he is but a worker bee in the hive, not a high level employee by stretch of the imagination but was personally selected for that team because of his wife language skills and personality.

Monday: up at 6 gone by 6:30.  Always have intense “meeting” aka drinking with dinner, to discuss the week’s plan and any left over business from the week before.  Home between 11: 00 pm  to 12:30 am.

Tuesday: up at 7 am gone by 7:30 am.  Dinner with someone – new hire, different management people, out of towners, big boss, mild drinking, home by 10 pm.

Wednesday:  up at 7 am gone by 7:30 am.  This being hump day he needs to catch up on all the work that he’s a) fallen behind in because of other engagements (like drinking when he was told to complete a report for the next day but forced to attend a working dinner), b) new tasks assigned from the drinking dinners, c) unexpected problems that have arisen, d) regularly scheduled events such as processing 5000 resumes in 2.5 days and completing his regular work load.  Often stays at the office until 3 am or later.

Thursday: up at 7 am gone by 7:30 am.  I have no idea what he generally does on this day as he is often too tired to think.  Home by 8:30 or 9 pm, drops into bed after listening to me ramble about the past few day’s events.

Friday: up at 7 am gone by 7:30 am.  About once a month or so he will be home by 7:30 pm.  The rest of the time he is out until 11 pm or so.

Saturday: up at 10 am.  His phone will start to ring by 11:30 am at the latest of work that he needs to attend to.  More often than not, will do work from home for at least 3-4 hours.

Sunday: up at 11 am because of phone ringing from work.  Will start work around 3 pm, stop for dinner and be forced to wash dishes, resumes understandable halfhearted effort towards work (ie easily distracted, because you know, it’s freaking Sunday) won’t finish until between 11 pm – 12 am.

Repeat.

Now, this doesn’t include other trips around Korea where he is required to spend the night and then the team continues on for another 2 or 3 day road trip stopping in various locations along the way.

Nor does it include the weddings, funerals, new hires, retirements, firings, birthdays, or just plain loneliness of his boss who wants someone to go out for dinner with because his family lives outside of Seoul and he lives in an office-tel Monday – Saturday.

As well, let’s not forget the phone calls that come in as late as 3 am.

Are you beginning to see why I get annoyed living here?  Why I have a hard time believing that Korea cares about it’s people.  Maybe the rich people.  Maybe those that are in upper management but even at that, hubby’s team leaders who are supposed to be 2 of the *best* people in Seoul for this industry, they work almost as many hours as him.  So you’ll forgive me for calling bullshit to the notion that Korea is more family centered than Canada.

The problem stems from what is defined as “family centered”.  In Canada we see it as actual physical time spent with your family members which is a protected “right” (? can I even say that… ?).  While, from what I understand, in Seoul at least, it’s the notion that a man needs to sacrifice everything to his employer for his family, which for me in inherently wrong.  I don’t give a good god damn if this is a cultural difference, because no, I don’t want to understand it, I want it to change and I can’t imagine that other Korean’s don’t want it to change as well.

SO, if you are new to Korea, most likely teaching English here and think that you are being treated unfairly, please, read this.  Try to understand that your employer is coming from a nation where the above mentioned work week is considered typical, and you working a mere 36 hours/week is seen as a vacation.

Phew, things have been busy.  We’ve finally been able to secure renters for our current place (I won’t complain about the ajumma knowing for the last week and not telling us) so that’s a 10 million won weight lifted and deposited into our new place.  I was getting a bit worried (read as sleepless) worrying that we wouldn’t find people in time and would be short on our deposit for the next place (10 million won is basically $10 000 so it’s not like we have that extra money just laying around).

So phew.

The new semester has started and is it ever great to have friends again! ha!  But seriously, it was so quiet all summer.  Classes are fine.  Students are shy and low level.  I’m still teaching a business class that is a carry over from the summer and it’s always funny how “the new” class becomes the old familiar class.  I’ve now been at this university for a year and good god former students are popping up all over the place; from behind bushes, parked cars, elevators, around corners, in classes.  No hiding for me.   There’s eyes all around….

Hmm what else.

We’re going to Mokpo in a few weeks.  Why?  It’s a secret.  Not an interesting secret, just a secret.  I’ll post some pictures.  (Although I just realized that I never did post pictures of our Inchon/Ichon trip).

The following weekend we’re moving.  I’ve already mentally bought so many lovely things… in reality it could be a few months until it’s set up to our my liking.  We’re also going to get a moving company.  The prices range widely as does the service.  The cheapest is to pack it all yourself and then have a blue truck come to haul it and then you unpack the truck and the boxes yourself.  The most expensive will come in, take pictures of the whole place and literally set everything up exactly as it was in the old place.  They also offer “sanitizing service” which we aren’t quite sure what that is – I think it has something to do with cleaning the new place before you get there (as in Asia you don’t clean before you leave and some people here live in disgusting squalor) but they’ll also sanitize your mattress!  Things to discover!

We were talking about the wedding last night and about traditional roles for the bride’s and groom’s families.  Hubby was commenting on how some couples end up breaking off the engagement because of the tension and fighting (not a surprise to be but apparently was to him) to which he commented “That’s so stupid.  What’s the point in even getting married then.  You should just follow your wife.” HA music to my ears to which he will never live down.  I then began to tease him about various things and so he stopped paying attention to me.

me:  ”Hey!  You’re not paying attention to me!  I haven’t seen you all week.  The least you could do is listen to me and pay attention to me.”

him:  ”Sorry, I’m just really full.”

me:  ”What?  What the hell does being really full have to do with listening to me?  Are you saying that my stories of no consequence are interrupting your digestion???  What happened to “Just listen to your wife” (accompanied by obnoxious hand gestures).

In other news, hubby just told me that the price of the key money has gone up 0.04% in 1 week – yikes.  Good thing we got ours when we did as realtors are also saying that there aren’t very many houses/apartments that you can do the huge one time deposit on, in Seoul (most of them require a large deposit plus monthly rent – the difference being that we get our whole deposit back).

To give you an idea of the insanity of prices here, our new place which cost 100 million won, for 2 years, is 18 pyeong.  1 pyeong is 3.3 meters squared (?, what do I know, I teach languages, not mathematics).  We get the whole deposit back.  AND, if you weren’t shocked already, the new place, it’s 50 sq feet bigger than our current place.  HA!  Talk about tight living and a need to be clean~

We finally don’t need to hang around waiting for renters to come look at the place so we’re going out tonight – first time in weeks!  How exciting!

Ok.  So I’m not sure why exactly it is that all of Korea seems to be pissed off and taking it out on me this week but it happened again yesterday.  I had phoned a certain local magazine company to ask about getting some materials for my students.  Yes, I used some sly language, but nothing devious.

Here’s the phone call that I made:

me:  Hi, my name is We’ve Got Seoul and I work at XX University.  I was wondering if I could have some copies of …………………..?

them:  Ok.  They cost ……………… What do you want me to do?

me:  Oh.  Don’t you donate things for educational purposes?

them:  Hold on a minute………………………………………………… Ok.  What’s your name again and how many do you want?

me:  Oh excellent!  Thank you so much.  So what do I need to say when I come and get them?

them:  Just tell them your name.  They will have them ready for you at the front.  Just tell them that you called here and they will have them for you.

me:  Thank you!  Have a great day!

Right.  So, I head meself on down to said book shop and walk in.  It’s full of English speakers.  There is a dude having a job interview with a rather nervous looking girl.  I go up to the counter and tell them my name, that I called ahead to have some of these magazines donated, are they ready…  The woman, who speaks English stares at me blankly and then proceeds to ask the job interview dude in Korean if it’s ok to give them to me.

me:  I don’t understand the problem (showing a copy of the magazine that I brought with me, pointing to it) I called this number here.  The person I talked to said that I could have 20 copies.  That’d you donate them, and that they’d be ready for me when I came here today to pick them up.

him:  where do you work?

me: excuse me?  I work at XX university…

him:  the language institute?

me:  what?

him:  the hogwon?  the language institute, do you work for the language institute or the university?

me: (thinking, well, technically both right now but what do you care) no, the university… um, I called and-

him:  what department?

me: <sigh> the department of foreign languages.  Um, I called and-

him:  You foreigners are so cheap.  You are never willing to pay for anything.  You always want things but are never willing to pay.

me:  excuse me?

him:  We spent a lot of money on this.  We spent 35 million on this and you just want it for free.  If you worked at a hogwon, then maybe ok, but you work for a university.  Why do you think that you should just get things for free…

me:  So, are you saying that you don’t want me to have them then?

him:  No, no, not at all, what I’m saying is that foreginers are cheap and don’t pay for these things-

me:  Really, because you are getting awfully agressive about this when I called ahead to ask if it was ok-

him: you should ask your university to pay for them-

me:  I don’t have a budget to pay for things, that’s why I asked if they would be donated.

him:  Next time please remember that we aren’t some sort of government office where you can just take things for free.

me:  So, can I take these or not?

him: (in Korean tells the woman to give them to me).  Remember to pay the next time that you want something.

me: (fuck you asshole).

OK.  So numerous things happened, or didn’t happen from the time I called on Wednesday, to the time I picked it up on Saturday.  Obviously the phone lady didn’t pass on the message.  Secondly, did I mention that the dude reeked of soju at 3 in the afternoon?  I can forgive him for being upset that he has no fucking clue what goes on in his own shop.  I can’t forgive him for the blatant racist remarks that because I am a white woman in Korea that I am cheap and don’t spend my money here.  Had I just walked into the store and demanded donated magazines, then yes, get angry.  BUT when I call ahead to ask, and am told they’ll be ready for me to pick.  Well, fuck you!

And so based on this week, I’m ready to get the fuck out of here.  This country will never accept international people in living in it.  There will always be resentment towards us and blame placed on us and I don’t have the desire to be the one to “edutain” them into opening their brains to different mentalities – I’m a pacifist that way.  By the time you’ve met me, you’ve already been socialized to believe what ever the hell it is you believe in, and my life goal, unlike a missionary, is not to teach you a worldly point of view.  That’s something else that’s frustrating to deal with – people that assume that since I teach English that I’m a cultural imperialist wiping out the uniqueness of a nation.  HA.  I could only dream of having that much power.  Or on the flip side that it’s my duty to teach the poor Koreans about the world.  Give it a rest.  If you’re that concerned get your ass out here and start preaching.

I just spent 2.5 hours at 3 different banks.  Not a happy Korean resident camper.  I closed an account at one bank because they are just rude to me every time I go in there.  I cancelled a credit card at a different bank because they told me there was no way to set up withdraws to be able to pay my monthly bill from a different financial institution and would need to physically go into the branch EVERY month to pay it off.  AND I didn’t get any point from the card which is pretty useless in this point crazed banking world that we live in.

The 3rd bank was KEB which was the doozy.  I use a MAC and so can’t do any online banking with them since they hate anything non mainstream in this country.  I also tried to ask about investment options.  It is so annoying the was people have such a strangle hold on information in this country.  I really wonder what the experience is like for Koreans – I can only assume that they too want to bash their head against the desk repeatedly in a vain attempt to get some answers.  I was patient until the first 45 minutes passed and then started to get annoyed as I was moved to another desk and told “customers are waiting”.  Umm, hello?  I’m a customer too.  Moron.  I’m asking about locking in my money with you – which in the world of banking generally means that a client is going to stay with your institution and you should try to sell them more crap to lock them in even further — when clients have the majority of their banking at one institution they are less likely to close their accounts.

I still can’t get over how much PAPER is used at banks here.  Such a waste of resources.

There is no foresight here.  Banks have the opportunity to offer their services to international clients and get them to actually do something with their money.  Ridiculous.  There is so much money to be made for them and yet the comments I got were things like

“It so hard to explain banking things in English”  – so you mean, to do your job?  Correct me if I’m wrong, you work in a self proclaimed “Foreigner Friendly Branch”

“Maybe you know, that the stock market is not so good these days” — Jesus H Christ, do you think I’m a moron?  Of course I know that, but your measly 2% interest rate would be better than the, oh what’s that, yes that’s right, the 0 rate you’re currently offering.

“You’re not a real professor so you can’t get a loan” — FUN!  Can you at least tell me what your rates are?  ”You’re not a real professor so you can’t get a loan” – yeah you said that already… FUN!

“You should use online banking” – YEAH, I’d love too but alas your freaking bank only believes in PC’s.

UPDATE: haha read this article, obviously they haven’t actually talked to us about what we want/need/currently feel.

The corporate structure here really is like the 60’s in the US and Canada.  The wining and dining and forced drinking, which we’ve all read/heard about/experienced before.  Such as when my husband first got hired by this company, they sent his parents a bottle of whisky and I think, can’t quite remember, some meat.  I asked if it was a ham, but I think it was some kind of pork product, or maybe a certificate to buy pork… I don’t remember.  Anyway, seemed super old school to me at the time.

Of course, my perspective is rather skewed seeing as I’m the foreign wife in all of this and have no qualms about stating my biased perspective on how I see things.

I would like to direct your attention to another woman, in Korea, working in a company.  A Long Time Ago When A Tiger Smoked A Cigarette. And more specifically to this post about working in a Korean company.

I’ve already stated some of my feelings about Korean work environments here.  But, I do have more to add.

The latest annoyance is the issue of control.  As in, you have none.  This lack of control over my own life is something that I’ve been having to learn to deal with not only as a wife but also as a resident here.  There’s the aspect of learning how to think for 2 – as in, it’s not always my decision and I can’t control and change things they way I want to.  I’m not used to being in a situation that I don’t like, and not having the ability to do something, anything, to make it better, or even different.  That’s a new learning curve, which is a good one.  Don’t get me wrong.  It’s just that when you date someone I don’t think that you (or at least I) made the types of concessions that I am willing to now.  This is fine, not a huge issue.

The problem I have is that his fucking company feels the need to make decisions and choices for us.  This I hate.  When trying to figure out when to get married we had to consider many things about time, guests and holidays.  I work at a university and basically get 22 weeks of paid vacation a year and so am unable to take time off during the semester – understandably so.  We jointly decided that a winter wedding ceremony would be better than a summer one, as my guests from Canada could potentially pass out from the heat and nothing’s worse than wearing a suit when it’s 28 above with 87% humidity.  Then I came up with the brilliant idea of why not have the wedding in March/April, so that uni would be back in and then I would have more than 3 guests there, and we could take our honeymoon in February so that we could have a lovely, warm, sunshine filled vacation.  Hubby was quite reluctant upon hearing this and didn’t think his company would go for it.  WHY THE FUCK NOT Hmmm, why not?  Was my first thought.  Seeing as, you know, IT’S OUR FUCKING WEDDING AND OUR LIFE.  And this, this is the part that really throws me over the edge; their response was “That’s not the way things are done in Korea.”  You are fucking kidding me right?  You are the international hiring division of this massive company.  Your only employee that speaks English to hire people in the US, China, and Japan is married to, oh, what’s that?  That’s RIGHT!  An international woman!  Get yer head out of your ass and start fucking opening up the options.  This is why Korean companies will fail internationally and honestly, good.  Crash! Burn! Fail!  Sink!  Drop to the ground, rocking back and forth murmuring  “we should have been more open to ideas”.   I’m pissed about this.  Obviously.  What the fuck right does a company have to say when an employee can have their wedding and honeymoon?

Honestly, with this mood, don’t bother leaving a comment unless you’re joining the bandwagon (I’ll get a tiki torch then we can find a patio to have a drink and just chill the feck out about all of this)

  I came home the other night, after helping a friend to get ready for a birthday party that he was hosting the next evening, to find hubby still slaving away with work at 1 am.  I, having had a few glasses of wine, felt the need to tell more stories of no consequence than usual, and wrapped up with a request that he send the birthday boy a text.  Hubby was off to China for a day and a half and would be missing the party.

 At the party, the host asks:

“Do you know that your husband sent me a happy birthday text?”

“Oh, yeah.  You got it, good.”

“Do you know what it said?”

“Uh-oh, no….”

“It was “Happy birthday.  Enjoy your time with my wife.”

  To which we all burst out laughing.  Ah yes, I should also note that the birthday boy is gay.  

  Now some people in the room that don’t know hubby and I very well seemed to give me the look like I was this horrible person laughing at his English.  The truth is that his English is getting much better and now I can generally assume that he gets the double entendres – although he may not fully be able to explain it he gets that ‘feeling’ that something else is happening here. haha.