A mixed list of impressions from the conference:

1) Registration was a nightmare as per usual.  The sheer untidiness of the “Problem” desk was a problem in and of its self.  The computers were down again when I was in there (similar to 2 years ago I was told) and the initial perception was not one of professionalism; in fact I would say that I was quite embarrassed to be a member of KOTESOL regarding this level of amateurism regarding conference registration.

2)  I’m not sure if they had overflow rooms last year or not but those were great.  The down side being that there were no handouts available in those rooms so made them undesirable to be in.

3)  The tech teams seemed far more proficient this year — ie in problem rooms in a flash and got things up and running in a jiffy!  Well done tech team!

4)  There needs to be a suggestion box.

5)  At the KOTESOL table where you can get your certificate of attendance there needs to be a guru that knows all and can find out all.

6)  The booklet with the presenters in it needs some touch ups:

a) on the cover it says “17th Annual” but the binding says “16th Annual”.

b) contact information of all the presenters needs to be with each presenter – crazy to have to chase after presenters to ask for email addresses.

c)  a list of the publishers tables should be in the book.

7)  The 5 sessions on “Research” were an interesting and well needed addition and I would like to see more presentations of that sort at future conferences.

The “Conversation About Teacher Training” should have been much longer as there were some great ideas flowing.

9)  It would be great to hear more about the specific future of ES/FL in Korea regarding hogwons, public schools, universities etc.  (I realize that is much more difficult than it sounds but, hey, we can talk about it right?).

10)  Plenary speakers should be required to provide us with new and geographically relevant material; Ellis’ slides were from 2007, Thornbury (Featured Speaker) was stressing about “the benefits of memorizing vocabulary” which is not an issue here, although it could be in Spain (?).

I wasn’t very impressed with the other featured speakers as they were a little too focused on the “love of thy student” and not focused enough on theory or anything tangible or useful.

I was very pleased with Scott Miles from Daegu Haany University – very useful material as well having an enjoyable presentation style.  I hope that he will be back next year.

That’s it.  I most likely will go back next year as I DO like to hear what’s going on in Korea and I do think that KOTESOL will improve.  And although I work at a university I have to echo the thoughts of one member of the audience that mentioned about the lack of support regarding hogwon teachers.  KOTESOL needs to increase advertising to get these people in and to get more Koreans into the conference (in fairness I don’t know what the breakdown of attendees was regarding Korean:International).

Did you go?  What did you think?

I’ve never been good at being told what to do.  My dad calls it the donkey syndrome; if you try to push me into doing something, I’ll resist with all my might, but if you let me gradually do it myself I’ll get it done (of which he suffers from as well hence the aptly named syndrome).  AND thankfully I grew up in a household of DS’s that acknowledged this and helped one another to develop coping strategies to deal with DS and others who have it.

Now, understandably, DS’s aren’t keen on following organized religion.  Nope, that there’s a no go.  Basically any system of control make us feel uncomfortable and trapped.

SO me living in a country where everything is based on control through age and gender … well, sometimes I snap.

The blatant sexism in Asia, I assume, is one of the reasons why you don’t find that many international women working here unless they have a partner here.

The “negotiation” style here is also very aggressive.  There is no “Can/Could/Would/Do” only “You have to …” which again activates DS.  (Maybe I should change to discourse analysis for my masters …. nah, too much typing).

And then there’s the yelling if adults don’t get what they want.  The whining if women don’t get what they want from older men.  And the chest puffing + yelling from older men … well, in many situations.  It seems that the men here have been so “gruff and tough” that women adapted their mannerism to that of whining to get what they wanted since they weren’t able to yell and freak out as much.  I should point out that this doesn’t just happen in Korean.  The whine factor was very prevalent in Taiwan as well — not sure about other Asian nations, readers?

Younger men here seem to be developing their own distinct whine which grates on the nerves equally well, in what one can only assume is a counterbalance to the extreme “machoism” that previously dictated male stature here; picture young, obscurely thin male in a pink shirt, with a bit a squeal to the voice and a slight raise of the foot that will almost lead the the ubiquitous foot stomp.

But what about those in the middle aged group.  Those almost drone like people that you can hear marching walking in unison each morning to go back to bosses that treat them as though they were less than human.  Employees here are so over worked that they don’t even have time to complain or attempt to begin the process of change, to enforce whatever pathetic labour laws are in place here.

Perhaps other spouses of Korean’s experience a different side to Seoul’s work mentality, and hopefully it is a better side.  But, from my personal experience, and that of my husband, I will attest that Seoul office life is far worse than I could ever have imagined it to be.

I had heard tales of employees working late and forced drinking, but you don’t dwell on your thoughts about it.  You don’t honestly assume that it can go on all the time for otherwise an individual would drop – energy, focus, attention span, health.

Let me try to explain an average week, from my perspective of my husband’s job.  Do note that he is but a worker bee in the hive, not a high level employee by stretch of the imagination but was personally selected for that team because of his wife language skills and personality.

Monday: up at 6 gone by 6:30.  Always have intense “meeting” aka drinking with dinner, to discuss the week’s plan and any left over business from the week before.  Home between 11: 00 pm  to 12:30 am.

Tuesday: up at 7 am gone by 7:30 am.  Dinner with someone – new hire, different management people, out of towners, big boss, mild drinking, home by 10 pm.

Wednesday:  up at 7 am gone by 7:30 am.  This being hump day he needs to catch up on all the work that he’s a) fallen behind in because of other engagements (like drinking when he was told to complete a report for the next day but forced to attend a working dinner), b) new tasks assigned from the drinking dinners, c) unexpected problems that have arisen, d) regularly scheduled events such as processing 5000 resumes in 2.5 days and completing his regular work load.  Often stays at the office until 3 am or later.

Thursday: up at 7 am gone by 7:30 am.  I have no idea what he generally does on this day as he is often too tired to think.  Home by 8:30 or 9 pm, drops into bed after listening to me ramble about the past few day’s events.

Friday: up at 7 am gone by 7:30 am.  About once a month or so he will be home by 7:30 pm.  The rest of the time he is out until 11 pm or so.

Saturday: up at 10 am.  His phone will start to ring by 11:30 am at the latest of work that he needs to attend to.  More often than not, will do work from home for at least 3-4 hours.

Sunday: up at 11 am because of phone ringing from work.  Will start work around 3 pm, stop for dinner and be forced to wash dishes, resumes understandable halfhearted effort towards work (ie easily distracted, because you know, it’s freaking Sunday) won’t finish until between 11 pm – 12 am.

Repeat.

Now, this doesn’t include other trips around Korea where he is required to spend the night and then the team continues on for another 2 or 3 day road trip stopping in various locations along the way.

Nor does it include the weddings, funerals, new hires, retirements, firings, birthdays, or just plain loneliness of his boss who wants someone to go out for dinner with because his family lives outside of Seoul and he lives in an office-tel Monday – Saturday.

As well, let’s not forget the phone calls that come in as late as 3 am.

Are you beginning to see why I get annoyed living here?  Why I have a hard time believing that Korea cares about it’s people.  Maybe the rich people.  Maybe those that are in upper management but even at that, hubby’s team leaders who are supposed to be 2 of the *best* people in Seoul for this industry, they work almost as many hours as him.  So you’ll forgive me for calling bullshit to the notion that Korea is more family centered than Canada.

The problem stems from what is defined as “family centered”.  In Canada we see it as actual physical time spent with your family members which is a protected “right” (? can I even say that… ?).  While, from what I understand, in Seoul at least, it’s the notion that a man needs to sacrifice everything to his employer for his family, which for me in inherently wrong.  I don’t give a good god damn if this is a cultural difference, because no, I don’t want to understand it, I want it to change and I can’t imagine that other Korean’s don’t want it to change as well.

SO, if you are new to Korea, most likely teaching English here and think that you are being treated unfairly, please, read this.  Try to understand that your employer is coming from a nation where the above mentioned work week is considered typical, and you working a mere 36 hours/week is seen as a vacation.

As I opened my building door and actually looked both ways to ensure that a speeding motorist didn’t clip me in its eager anticipation of zooming down the hill to a set of lights that take more than 7 minutes to change, I noticed that the air was in fact cooler and I was pleased that I did bring my sweater.

I began my descent and was doing my normal people watch to see how many folks I can recognize in the neighborhood (so far only the fruit guys that hubby told we were new to the neighborhood and asked them to be nice to me; their new too and so greet me every night when I walk by).  I noticed an older woman across the street that seemed … peculiar.  I’m not saying that “I see dead people” but I’m often correct when the ol’ spidey sense begins to tingle about weirdos.  I kept staring at her wondering what made her an odd ball.  Then I noticed that she was holding a paper drinking cup against her mouth but she held it there for an unusually long time and it soon became apparent that she wasn’t drinking out of it.

I did the old “shoulder check while walking” to avoid the grandma that was kneeling too close to the baby in the carriage whose feet were kicking her in the head as she smiled (wth?) again, to make sure that I wouldn’t be clipped.  I saw a girl walking in the same direction as me and she was about to pass cup grandma but didn’t seem to notice the cup.

I looked forward again but then something caught my eye.

As the girl walked passed the grandma, cup grandma spun around, and flung collected spit in the cup, at the girl’s bag, and hit it.  I, with a look of horror, looked around to see if anyone else saw it but there was no one else around.  I was so shocked and when it finally clicked that maybe I should tell the girl of the spittle dripping down her bag she had already turned the corner and there was a wee traffic jam beginning as I approached the main intersection.

I know that Korea has no social welfare system and it’s appalling.  So the lesson today, watch out for cup grandma!

Phew, things have been busy.  We’ve finally been able to secure renters for our current place (I won’t complain about the ajumma knowing for the last week and not telling us) so that’s a 10 million won weight lifted and deposited into our new place.  I was getting a bit worried (read as sleepless) worrying that we wouldn’t find people in time and would be short on our deposit for the next place (10 million won is basically $10 000 so it’s not like we have that extra money just laying around).

So phew.

The new semester has started and is it ever great to have friends again! ha!  But seriously, it was so quiet all summer.  Classes are fine.  Students are shy and low level.  I’m still teaching a business class that is a carry over from the summer and it’s always funny how “the new” class becomes the old familiar class.  I’ve now been at this university for a year and good god former students are popping up all over the place; from behind bushes, parked cars, elevators, around corners, in classes.  No hiding for me.   There’s eyes all around….

Hmm what else.

We’re going to Mokpo in a few weeks.  Why?  It’s a secret.  Not an interesting secret, just a secret.  I’ll post some pictures.  (Although I just realized that I never did post pictures of our Inchon/Ichon trip).

The following weekend we’re moving.  I’ve already mentally bought so many lovely things… in reality it could be a few months until it’s set up to our my liking.  We’re also going to get a moving company.  The prices range widely as does the service.  The cheapest is to pack it all yourself and then have a blue truck come to haul it and then you unpack the truck and the boxes yourself.  The most expensive will come in, take pictures of the whole place and literally set everything up exactly as it was in the old place.  They also offer “sanitizing service” which we aren’t quite sure what that is – I think it has something to do with cleaning the new place before you get there (as in Asia you don’t clean before you leave and some people here live in disgusting squalor) but they’ll also sanitize your mattress!  Things to discover!

We were talking about the wedding last night and about traditional roles for the bride’s and groom’s families.  Hubby was commenting on how some couples end up breaking off the engagement because of the tension and fighting (not a surprise to be but apparently was to him) to which he commented “That’s so stupid.  What’s the point in even getting married then.  You should just follow your wife.” HA music to my ears to which he will never live down.  I then began to tease him about various things and so he stopped paying attention to me.

me:  ”Hey!  You’re not paying attention to me!  I haven’t seen you all week.  The least you could do is listen to me and pay attention to me.”

him:  ”Sorry, I’m just really full.”

me:  ”What?  What the hell does being really full have to do with listening to me?  Are you saying that my stories of no consequence are interrupting your digestion???  What happened to “Just listen to your wife” (accompanied by obnoxious hand gestures).

In other news, hubby just told me that the price of the key money has gone up 0.04% in 1 week – yikes.  Good thing we got ours when we did as realtors are also saying that there aren’t very many houses/apartments that you can do the huge one time deposit on, in Seoul (most of them require a large deposit plus monthly rent – the difference being that we get our whole deposit back).

To give you an idea of the insanity of prices here, our new place which cost 100 million won, for 2 years, is 18 pyeong.  1 pyeong is 3.3 meters squared (?, what do I know, I teach languages, not mathematics).  We get the whole deposit back.  AND, if you weren’t shocked already, the new place, it’s 50 sq feet bigger than our current place.  HA!  Talk about tight living and a need to be clean~

We finally don’t need to hang around waiting for renters to come look at the place so we’re going out tonight – first time in weeks!  How exciting!

Hubby often goes to “bench marking” sessions with other companies to see what sort of standards are being set/attained within his industry.  They also attend many guest lectures and/or seminars.

A while back they invited a former employee to give a guest lecture to the hiring team.  The employee now works for an American company in Seoul and so was doing this, I assume, unbeknownst to his current employer.  I won’t mention any company names but lets just say I thought that the company in question was Korean; that’s how expansive they are here.

The presentation was about American office mentality including treatment of employees and general attitudes.  All of the following are second hand accounts from hubby with my personal thoughts added in.

Hubby had briefly met the speaker prior to his departure from the company.  He said that the dude, here in referred to as Kim, Kim was your typical “salary man” in manner and style.  Not a loud man, rather quite in the office, he had the typical semi-shiny suit with plain shirt and I can only assume, an obnoxious pink tie, on occasion.  The type of hair cut that would be considered too long by the dinosaurs in the company, with copious amounts of hair wax keeping the bangs straight up.

Kim came to the information sharing/pilfering session straight from work and the physical transformation was instantly noticed and commented on by former coworkers.  Our mild Kim had turned to the West; dark collared shirt, with 2! buttons undone to reveal neck and a hint of collar bone, an earring! could be seen under hair that could touch his earlobes!  Oh my!  What has happened to poor Kim in this company (remarked the older Kim’s, Lee’s and Park’s, while the younger generation looked on longingly).

Kim then began to regale them with tales of actually leaving the office before 6 pm on a regular basis, how in brainstorming sessions younger employees were encouraged and praised (!) for sharing and expressing new innovating ideas and, here’s the real kicker, projects were actual started, and followed through, based on these sessions.

Now, some of this was known to the keen listeners but getting confirmation from a trusted source enticed the participants even more (but I can only assume that the bosses we’re still shaking their heads saying the it is “impossible” or “very~ difficult” to actually achieve any of the above mentioned things).  Someone even asked about his attire and he said that they were encouraged to wear jeans on Fridays (of all things).

But, there was one situation that still had our newly indoctrinated Kim baffled about from his time with the company from the land of mad beef and deep fried coca-cola on a stick.

The US office, due to such high sales/profits in South Korea wanted one of the local guys from the Seoul office to be transfered to the office in the States.  Now, everyone was vying for the position.  The notion that your company would pick you, VISA status included, expenses paid, to move you and your family to the land of angry (and may I add, fatty) beef is an opportunity told as bedtime tales to the young ones here.  Not unlike Cinderella, everyone was eligible to apply, but the A1 sauce of choice, could only be palatable to one.  It was narrowed down to two.

Before I tell you who, I’ve made a pole and am interested to see who you would pick and later on I’ll tell you the rest of the story.

Oh, right, that’d be me.  Ah, humbling moments… not always what you want to experience but I suppose as long as you can have a chuckle then life is ok.

Let’s talk a little about language and communication styles.  Generally, in English, or should I say hopefully, people state their opinion and then continue with supporting ideas, facts, figures, examples, etc.  In Korean, so I’ve been told, it’s more akin to the social structure of the society, in that not only do you need to move up the ranks to get a question answered, continuously asking the same question until you hit the right person who can answer it for you… so too, with the language you need to build up like a hierarchy: providing your supporting ideas, facts, figures, examples etc, until you then finally state what your point is.

Now, for the uninitiated this is a confusing structure to adjust your thought process to.  For those who’ve been around the block a few times, you find you start to take on said process of thinking/speaking and confuse the hell out of your people “back home”.

Mix in second language speakers with unknown levels of understanding.  Toss in a few cultural differences.  Yup, throw in some pretension as well, just for good measure.  Uh huh, are you starting to feel the mood here?

Ok.  So I’m teaching some classes at the language institute associated with the university I work at.  I haven’t dealt with the assistant in the office too much but I assume that she is an overworked, underpaid employee.  I also don’t really know her language abilities … I think that she is fairly fluent, but we’ve only had discussions about very general topics and so she may have memorized, stalk answers on hand.  As well, as most teachers can attest to, you need to adjust your language levels when making requests so that something that seems fairly simple doesn’t get blown out of proportion – which has now become a habit (adjusting, I mean).

One of the classrooms that I use has a Korean language class for international students in it.  When my class is occurring, the door to the room is opened and hurriedly shut again, at least 6 times in 90 minutes.  It’s distracting and annoying when students are doing presentations and so I asked if “we”, meaning the assistant, could put up a sign saying that there’s a class on at that specific time.  Here’s my babo (which means fool/idiot)  moment:

me: Hi, the classroom that I’m in, there are always people opening and closing the door.

her:  uh-huh

me:  yes, um, is there anyway that we could put a sign on the door saying that there is a class going on at that time?

her:  right, ok.  so is there a Korean language class for Chinese students in there before you?

me:  ah, yeah.

her:  I’ll need to speak to the Chinese teacher-

me:  (oh crap, somebody’s going to get yelled at because I asked for a sign) but I’m not sure who the people are that are opening the door … they don’t stick their heads in…

her: yes, but I need to speak to the Chinese teacher

me:  I just need a simple sign

her:  but I want to put it in Korean, English and Chinese

me: AHHHH, I’m an idiot, of course!  and probably can’t write in Chinese… haha.. (way to go babo)

HA!  So there you go.  Over thinking and attempting to over accommodate the situation.

Here’s an article in the Korean Herald that kind of sort of sparks some hope that there are changes in Korea in regards to discriminatory practices.

Listen up newbies.  You’re annoying.  You can’t help but be annoying.  We all started off as that annoying newbie and if we stayed then we were upgraded in status.  Do you want to know why you are annoying?  Because you don’t fucking know anything.  You come to us and ask us questions and if the answer isn’t to your liking you piss and moan to us/at us/about us.  And guess what!  I don’t fucking care!!!  Your trite complaints have no bearing on my everyday existence and it’s out of my good fucking will that I try to answer your petty problems.

Here’s my guide of how “To not piss off those with 5 year + experience” (be it Asia – check, I’ve got it, or be it language teaching – again, check I’ve got it)

1.  Stop fucking bitching and ask unloaded questions.  If you don’t know what that means then go look it up.

2.  I’m not fucking lying when I offer you my advice or give you a suggestion – I’m providing you with the best answer that I can.  It’s not my problem that you don’t fucking understand that no one cares about you and that no one is here to hold your hand.  You are experiencing what’s called “being alone”.  Deal with it.

3.  Just because you don’t like the answer doesn’t mean that you get to A) take it as a personal attack and then B) begin to patronize me in a condescending tone.  I know more than you.  I will always know more about all of this then you, seeing as I have, wait for it, that’s right 5 FUCKING YEARS OF EXPERIENCE and a KOREAN HUSBAND — so you, kidlett, fresh off the farm, newly printed degree in hand, shut up.

4.  Don’t, ever, ever, quote Dave’s to me.  If that’s your source, then you’re hopeless.

5.  When I tell you I don’t know the answer – I’m not trying to make your life difficult.  I really don’t know the answer and no, it’s not my responsibility to find the answer for you.

6.  P’s and Q’s people.  Remember some fucking manners.

If you haven’t been here for 5+ years, or haven’t been teaching for 5+ years you’re banned from commenting.  My blog, my rules.

The first assumption that many people make about our marriage is that his parents were against it, or more specifically against me.  My husband is the only son and the oldest.  I used to get frustrated by constantly being asked this question and dealing with this stereotype but unfortunately, many of the couples that I’ve met, have either started on shaky ground, continue to be on shaky ground or have not lasted.

We’ve been together for 3 1/2  years and married for 1 1/2 of that.  We dated in Canada for a year and then came to Korea.  He’s Korean Korean (and I’m ‘real’ Canadian [ha]).  He didn’t tell his parents about us as he was worried they would think he wasn’t studying while in Canada (little did they know how much he was studying haha – I was his teacher and picked him up after he finished his term at the school).

I met his dad first.  It was my second day in Korea.  We were about to move me into my then school provided officetel.  His dad looked a bit stern and asked for hubby to repeat what he said.  His dad looked at me.  He raised his eyebrows and gave me a quick nod.  YIkes.

Next was mom (a few weeks later).  We went to where she worked and stood on the street for about 10 minutes.  She kept playfully whacking him on his lower back saying that he should have said something earlier.  She smiled at me and then we left.

Then we went for dinner with his mom, dad and younger sister.  Everyone was very polite to one another and staring was kept to a minimum.  His mom pushed me to eat more and beamed when I did.  They laughed at my choking down of soju and tearing due to spicy food.

We now see his family about once every three months.  I was the one that suggested that we should try to see them on a more regular basis.  I was the one that pushed that we get together for dinners in the first place.  I was the one that suggested we have Chuseok at our house (Canadian style that is).

I asked hubby if his mom would be willing to teach us how to make kimchi (to try to encourage more bonding).  Her response?  ”Who makes kimchi anymore?  Go to E-Mart to buy some.”  Bonding fail.

The last time we met up for dinner was a few months ago.  We were to meet at the lobby of hubby’s company.  I arrived early and was standing there as many a business person walked by, just a tad curious who the white girl was standing there.  His mom came into the huge, fancy, echoy lobby and gleefully called out my name, arms in the air as she ran towards me to give me a hug.  His dad isn’t much of a hugger, but I do get loving pats on the arm and big grins.

The concerns his parents have about our relationship are more about me living here.  ”Is she ok without her family and friends?”  ”Is she lonely?”  ”Does she get enough to eat?”  ”Son, you need to take care of her here.  This isn’t her country and you need to protect her”  (I am teary eyed just typing this).

Even though my language skills are… um, lacking, that’s a nice way to put it, they still phone and ask to talk to me, just to hear my voice and to make sure that I am ok.

His parents never push us.  They have asked if we are interested in having children and are pleased to hear that we want to wait until we have more money saved and I am finished my masters.  They assumed that we wouldn’t live here forever and are supportive of us leaving Korea to raise a family and be together.

There was no table throwing, no yelling, no threats, no shame, no pressure, no tears.  My in-laws are supportive, encouraging, loving and understanding. They only want us to be happy, healthy, and of course to always be studying and learning more (couldn’t escape that one if we tried!).

So, with this lack of drama and angst, perhaps this isn’t the sordid tale that you hoped to read.  I would prefer to offer some hope to new couples, regardless of who came from where, that things are changing in Korea.

First off HT to Korea Beat for pointing out this article.

Secondly, with apartment hunting and wedding season, we’ve been, or at least it seems like it, to be crisscrossing the city by subway as of late.  And what do you do when you’re sitting and waiting… people watch!  Perhaps it’s more of a Canadian thing but I’ve come up with a few theories (some have been assisted by friends).

1.  Have you seen the sharp increase in 40+ mullets?  Extra frightening when tossed in with a visor.

2.  Warning to all men in their 30’s!  Line 4, mullet central/Korean cougar crossing zones.  Lots of tight shiny pants, crunchy permed hair and evil cackles… be warned!!

3.  Old guys in leisure suits with rockin’ MP3’s… even saw one dude with Trekky like sunglasses

4.  Ok that’s it.  But I do have a new theory as to why the birth rate is so low here.  Korean women are… well… shall we say a tad roundish and saggy when they’re in their 50’s – not at all the image that the current 20 somethings have in mind for themselves (how could they fit into their current fashion choices otherwise).  So combine their fierce spending habits with strong visual reminders of what could be and you have young girls that are eager to pop the pill haha (I have no idea if they’re on the pill, hopefully they’re at least using condoms).

And I’ve lost my train of thought… Anything you’ve noticed as of late that you’d like to add?