Mine’s not the story that you’re looking for (in regards to my Korean in-laws)

The first assumption that many people make about our marriage is that his parents were against it, or more specifically against me.  My husband is the only son and the oldest.  I used to get frustrated by constantly being asked this question and dealing with this stereotype but unfortunately, many of the couples that I’ve met, have either started on shaky ground, continue to be on shaky ground or have not lasted.

We’ve been together for 3 1/2  years and married for 1 1/2 of that.  We dated in Canada for a year and then came to Korea.  He’s Korean Korean (and I’m ‘real’ Canadian [ha]).  He didn’t tell his parents about us as he was worried they would think he wasn’t studying while in Canada (little did they know how much he was studying haha – I was his teacher and picked him up after he finished his term at the school).

I met his dad first.  It was my second day in Korea.  We were about to move me into my then school provided officetel.  His dad looked a bit stern and asked for hubby to repeat what he said.  His dad looked at me.  He raised his eyebrows and gave me a quick nod.  YIkes.

Next was mom (a few weeks later).  We went to where she worked and stood on the street for about 10 minutes.  She kept playfully whacking him on his lower back saying that he should have said something earlier.  She smiled at me and then we left.

Then we went for dinner with his mom, dad and younger sister.  Everyone was very polite to one another and staring was kept to a minimum.  His mom pushed me to eat more and beamed when I did.  They laughed at my choking down of soju and tearing due to spicy food.

We now see his family about once every three months.  I was the one that suggested that we should try to see them on a more regular basis.  I was the one that pushed that we get together for dinners in the first place.  I was the one that suggested we have Chuseok at our house (Canadian style that is).

I asked hubby if his mom would be willing to teach us how to make kimchi (to try to encourage more bonding).  Her response?  ”Who makes kimchi anymore?  Go to E-Mart to buy some.”  Bonding fail.

The last time we met up for dinner was a few months ago.  We were to meet at the lobby of hubby’s company.  I arrived early and was standing there as many a business person walked by, just a tad curious who the white girl was standing there.  His mom came into the huge, fancy, echoy lobby and gleefully called out my name, arms in the air as she ran towards me to give me a hug.  His dad isn’t much of a hugger, but I do get loving pats on the arm and big grins.

The concerns his parents have about our relationship are more about me living here.  ”Is she ok without her family and friends?”  ”Is she lonely?”  ”Does she get enough to eat?”  ”Son, you need to take care of her here.  This isn’t her country and you need to protect her”  (I am teary eyed just typing this).

Even though my language skills are… um, lacking, that’s a nice way to put it, they still phone and ask to talk to me, just to hear my voice and to make sure that I am ok.

His parents never push us.  They have asked if we are interested in having children and are pleased to hear that we want to wait until we have more money saved and I am finished my masters.  They assumed that we wouldn’t live here forever and are supportive of us leaving Korea to raise a family and be together.

There was no table throwing, no yelling, no threats, no shame, no pressure, no tears.  My in-laws are supportive, encouraging, loving and understanding. They only want us to be happy, healthy, and of course to always be studying and learning more (couldn’t escape that one if we tried!).

So, with this lack of drama and angst, perhaps this isn’t the sordid tale that you hoped to read.  I would prefer to offer some hope to new couples, regardless of who came from where, that things are changing in Korea.