At least they put your name on your paper pee cup

I don’t like hospitals.  I don’t have any special reasons, just the usual ones come to mind.  I have never had any desire to be a doctor or a nurse – I always saw medical professions as dealing with feces, urine and blood … three things I don’t feel like smelling, touching, studying or looking at.  I have consequently been putting off my health check for the last 2 1/2 weeks.  My first instinct is always “RUN!!” when I think about going and so really have to almost bribe myself to a) get there and b) not freak out while waiting and doing the tests.  Long story short, don’t call me in an emergency.  I’m useless.  There is no fight or flight, just fly baby, fly.  (The most recent example being when a fist fight broke out in the office and I just stood there not knowing what to do.)

Being a working Canadian overseas means that I have had to go through “health checks” to be able to get VISA’s and what not.  Now I am all for checking people’s health and am in full agreement that a government has the right to insist that foreign employees get them prior to staying in their countries (Taiwan and most recently South Korea).  Because I am married to a Korean and was here prior to the new rule I’ve never had the pleasure of doing one in Seoul… until today.

It was the usual pee in the cup, chest X-ray, blood work, check your eyes, ears, and bust size…. wait, what?? WTF does my bust size have to do with my overall health???  Who was the perverted old man that thought he should throw that in there?

When I did these in Taiwan (every year to renew your VISA.  The year before I got there, they thankfully removed the ’stool’ sample portion of the test) the women had to do the urine test first and then the chest X-ray to ensure that she wasn’t pregnant but strangely that wasn’t the case here.  I only question this because on more than one occasion there were newbies that found out they were pregnant while doing the health check.  And, since they know that I am married they should assume that I am having sex. 

  After the X-ray the technician showed it to me – I’ve never seen my own lungs before and holy crap you could see, what I assume to be, is the damage done from smoking.  As I stared horrified he says in a happy voice “Good?”  I wasn’t sure if he was asking a question or making a statement or just trying to sound positive so I nodded and shuffled my ever so hesitant, growing heavier by the minute, feet to the next station.  The urine and blood test.

Korea has a lot of technology and makes great use of it so why do I have to go to a squat toilet, pee in a paper cup and then bring my warm, paper cup, filled with my own urine, back to the front desk? Yuck.  They do the same thing in Taiwan.  

  Once, when I was sick there, I had to do the “paper cup pee test” but the bathroom was quite far from the desk.  When I came back I didn’t want to hold onto my own pee and so put the cup on the counter.  It was busy at the clinic and so the nurse didn’t know who’s it was and so yells out “JOANNE IS THIS YOUR URINE?” I mean, really, what do you say to that?  Being embarrassed, what did I do?  I lowered my head and raised my hand!  Loser.  So at least here they put your name on the paper cup for you.