Meltdown commencing … wait, not yet, damn it, I’m not ready

Not done my paper – but what I have done is looking ok ,,, I think.

The stress of the 22nd is building and spilling over into daily mini melt downs… crying headaches + stress headaches and I think changing weather patterns (and I got me some PMS) is making for heavy sleeping combined with a withdrawal from humanity, for the moment.

Lights on, me under the covers, as husband comes home: “What are you doing?”

me: “Hiding.”

“From what?”

“Life”

“Oh….. ok.  For how long?”

“Mmm, right now?  No, not that long, just a few minutes really… later this week could be longer though.”

“Oh.  Anything I can do?”

“No, not really.  Thanks though.”

My dad arrives next week.  Love em’ and all but he is a bit of a picky eater and gets bored easily so I’m also trying to plan activities, pray for decent weather, and figure out what the old guy will want for sustenance as munching on trail mix and yoghurt won’t cut it.

I’ll get my post about “How to get married in Seoul” up, most likely after the wedding as I’m sure some wacky things are bound to happen.  So far wedding wise it’s been a breeze.  I highly recommend eloping first.

I have had the chance to meet quite a few new-to-me-in-person-not-just-via-facebook-or-from-blogging people and it’s been wonderful for both hubby and I.  More on that later.

Anyhoo.  I’m around.  Just not really in the mood to sob publicly … or via the phone for that matter.  Expect very light aka no posts for a few weeks as I’ll be deciding menus and lugging dear old dad around town and then heading to Malaysia for a break.

a year already

It’s my birthday which means that a week from now it’ll have been a year since my mom passed away.  As if it’s been a year.

Priorities have certainly changed as has definitions of “taking a break” – now it means, “maybe I’ll wash the dishes, to at least stand up from reading all these flipping journal articles.” whoa, the good times, let me tell you, they just don’t stop around here.

Back to the dishes though – really, if I could just get the pipes to unfreeze so that I could have some hot water to wash them in!  that would be a party.

The non hot water situation has also reminded me that I would never have brought my nation forward, had I been a settler.  Bathing from hot water in a pot, boiled on the stove, not where I thought I’d be in life by now.  How did the women not  go crazy and shave their heads from the insanity of washing from a bucket?

And!  has a 6 pack of Heineken always cost 17,000 won or have I really been wasting my money on the only drinkable beer in stores here?

I’ve already screwed up on this first assignment for my masters and it’s too late to fix it now.  Ah, you live you learn.  Besides, life is far too interesting to need to take the time to cite it all. ha! a little MA humour for you there!  yikes, I need out of the house more.

Brain continuing to ooze.

I’ve got my idea trapping hat on tight – don’t touch it!

holy hell I can’t focus.  I seem to max out at 9 minutes and then need to stop, think, assure myself of all the hard work I’ve done and then check the clock for affirmation…. yikes.

I also remembered my ever-so-autistic-need-but-we-all-have-one-not-in-a-mocking-kinda-way to wear a toque while researching/writing papers … perhaps I just need the reassuring pressure against my head ???

What’s your autistic thing?

According to this list I’m doomed as I suffer from all of this, on a daily basis, in some sort of rotational order …

OOOOoooo

this is pretty neat!

wake up call

It was August when I moved to Taiwan and it was hot.  Way hotter than I was used to and ergo gave up on makeup for a while as it was just melting off my face anyway.  About 3 weeks in a friend was having a birthday party at a fairly swanky place and so I figured that I should put on some makeup and dress up a bit.

I also had a room mate at the time.  A rather evil girl that had definitive ideas about how the world worked and your role in it.  She continuously lamented about her desire to live alone.  Now I, never one to want to deal with conflict, took that as a strong hint to get a new place to live (FYI in Taiwan you are placed in temporary housing until you find your own apartment and pay for it yourself, unlike Korea where they find and generally pay for you housing).  She too was a newbie (arrived a few days before I did).

This girl liked to be in control – not unlike yours truly.  But she also had this snippy arrogant tone that often pushed me over the edge.  The first example (which for some reason always reminds me of a scene from the Lion King …. wait, that sounds really weird … bare with me).  The first time that it rained quite heavily I commented on how dirty my scooter was afterwards.

She snapped back “Well, of course, what do you think pollution is?”

me: “Uh, well, I suppose, I assumed that it was more about a change in pH balance of the water.  What is it, the lower the number the more acidic and the higher the more basic?  It goes from, 0 to 14?  So that’s what leads to birds eggs being thinner, and sculptors disintegrating.  I didn’t think that dust particles would be trapped in it so much…”

Anyhoo, back to the birthday party.  I came out of my room about to leave and this girl looks at me and says “Oh you CAN be pretty.”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, it’s just that you’ve got makeup on and you CAN be pretty.”

(nice-uh)

BUT we just got our wedding pics done and damn you stupid girl I AM FREAKING pretty in those pics and they’re not even photoshopped!  Imagine the possibilities!! hahahahahaah

(I emailed them to some friends that aren’t on FB and one comment back was “You look great except for that red dress”.   That would be the hanbok picture.)

……………………………………………………….

Every morning for the past 3 days I’ve woken up in a panic — “MASTERS!!!” and “WEDDING” pumping through my brain.  And, as I was talking to a friend the other day I realized that a) I haven’t done that much work on it, and b) that my friends have been so~ helpful by giving my articles etc (those that have finished their masters/working on their PhD.s and have loads of experience with this material already).  BUT my panic is that since I haven’t done the initial research for this, I’m not relearning HOW to do the research myself … which then reminded me that when I did my undergraduate, I had friends that worked at the library who were ever so helpful to find articles (back in the day without internet, or missing/misfiled books/end of subscription due to a lack of funding/out on interlibrary loan) so … in actuality, did I even do my undergraduate degree on my own or was it more of a group effort?

It’s not like I have anything to do for the wedding, well the wedding itself that is.  It’s more concern about getting things and the apartment organized for the international guests that are coming.

Actually, that’s a bit of a lie too, since I think the only main thing for the apartment is lighting.  I desperately want to be rid of those horrid fluorescent lights that are so ubiquitous with Asia (for me at least).  BUT we’ve got this strange wood paneling on the ceiling which is great for noise reduction but I’m not sure what to do with lighting because of it.  NOR did I realize how many freaking options for lighting there are in the world, phew!

OK~ so I’ve put myself into a bit of a spin and must be off!

Well wishes to you for 2010!

Christmas dinner, phew!

It was supposed to be for 20 but the number dropped dramatically down to 13.  But the food!  Oh my the food!  Chestnuts, baked cabbage with apple, spiced nuts, ginger cookies, pork done in a brine, scalloped potatoes with bacon, cheese and spinach, mashed potatoes, roast beef with gravy, sliced veggies with ranch or onion dip, bruschetta, salad, dinner rolls, lemon pie, chocolate chip sour cream cake, chocolate drop cookies, banana bread … I’m sure there’s something I’m forgotten to mention.  Plus the 18 bottles of wine.

But the weather, wowsers was it ever the shits.  The dust level was at “hazardous” windy, cold – very glad that we were at home this time around (since generally we’re the ones that go to others places and bring the food with us).

I do need to ensure that I ask friends (after one took the lead!) to bring more containers to take leftovers — we have so much food in the house … I’m not sure how we’ll be able to finish it all).

A few rather humorous lines of the evening:

Me, annoyed that the chocolate chip sour cream cake that I made, all of the chocolate chips sank to the bottom of the pan – I assume because of the flour here … not sure though – bakers, any suggestions?  Anyway, it was then dubbed “the cake that Asia ruined” cause you know, nothing like blaming a whole continent for my inability to measure out proper proportions of baking powder versus baking soda.

A friend had invited a newbie girl along.  I like to tease my friend (truth be told we all do ) and he finally got me back.  She was eating something and exclaimed how good it was, to which he said “See, what did I tell you, even if you didn’t like the people, the food at least would be good!”  HA, loved it.

Prior to their arrival, friend phoned to clarify directions:

him: it’s near a church right?  I see a church but I don’t think this is the right place.

me: how big is the church?

him:  it’s a small one on the right.

me:  nah, that’s not it.  ours is a big ass church on the right.

him:  you do know it’s Christmas, right?

me:  well it is!

Things are getting rather busy this week.  We’ve got wedding pictures on Tuesday, trip out of town on Wednesday, dinner with in-laws on Thursday, and then hubby’s birthday.  Again, phew!  And somewhere in all that I should be doing more on my assignment … right, sigh, squish that in somewhere.

OH!  We went and rented our hanbok yesterday – just at a place recommended to us by the wedding hall.  I had assumed that it was all loose and flowing because, well, that’s what it looks like.  Nope.  It’s a boob contraption that makes you yelp at how tight they expect it to be across the chest.  I don’t have that big of boobs but I was severely limited in my options because of what I do have.  We could have them custom made but what’s the point?  It’s not like we’re going to wear our wedding hanbok to other events – seems like a waste of resources all around.

Ah, and an “only in Korea story”.  We get to the hanbok place and hubby says he’s hungry.  I was trying various things on and he was chatting to the store owner who told him to order food!  But because of that crazy snow fall, the food came by the time we had picked out what we were going to rent.  What does the store owner do?  Cleans off the back table for us to eat, gets us some water, moves around the heat lamp to keep us toasty, and tells us to take our time.

How was your Christmas?

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up

I’ve been trying to be positive about living here (as in SK) and so have been trying to notice and appreciate things about living here that I wouldn’t have in, say, Canada.  And you know what, sometimes I do smile and think that it’s great and convenient and relatively easy and that I could stay here longer.

Then little things will creep in and shake up the bubble that I tried to create.

Hubby gleefully expressed that they would have the whole week after Christmas off, to which I didn’t respond.  He also said that most likely they’d go home early on Christmas eve because they’d have had their drunk fest year end party the night before.

“Aren’t you happy?”

“I just don’t believe that it’ll happen.”

“It’s already been approved.  We have the whole week off.”

“Right ….”

“What?  Why are you so pessimistic about this happening?”

“Seriously?  With the amount of times that they’ve done this?  You must be joking.  Let me put it this way – they only way that I believe that you’ll have the week off is when you’re sleeping in on Monday morning.”

That was on the weekend.  Lo and behold, it’s Christmas eve and he won’t be home until after 11.  And they have to work on Monday.

Shouldn’t you be doing something?

Yes, I should be… we’ve got up to 20 people coming over for Christmas dinner… silly girl, whywhywhy did you think this was a good idea when you know that your husband can’t be around to help you?  Well, it has helped to light a fire under both our butts to get furniture ordered (no, I don’t want to talk about how slow we are on that front – nor do I want to talk about how most of it is coming the week after Christmas).

Right.  So I played the patience game with the butchers at Costco and … I lost.  The only way to get what you want is to keep smiling and wait them out.  Freaking out doesn’t help.  But for some reason there’s the mentality that “the shop owner ALWAYS knows best” and if you suggest something you’re scoffed at.  Well, I’ve had enough with not getting what I want so I’ll just stand here and stare at you … FINE!  I can’t handle it anymore.  You win.  Ok.  Perhaps I should explain.  I’m cooking a roast for dinner but the only ones they had were those 80,000 won ones that are 20lbs and WAY too big for my measly oven.  I only really wanted half of it and wanted them to cut it for me.  Lots of waiting and asking and smiling and waiting later I ended up with the whole 20lbs but cut into 5 pieces – still a lot of freaking meat.  I’ll cook 2 or 3 of the hunks when the numbers are finalized.

I kind of just feel like curling up and watching a cheesy movie … need to make bruschetta and a dessert tonight … dips, sliced veggies, and cleaning all tomorrow.  Lovely friends are bringing a pork dish and various side dishes.  I have a feeling we’ll have way too much food and be eating leftovers for weeks (fingers crossed on roast beef sandwiches!!)

I went to the dollar store again – I kind of tried to sneak in because I’ve had hubby return 2 things within the span of a day because they were the wrong size and I was worried I’d get the stank eye.  I was creeping along the aisles searching for a meat thermometer and string (to tie the roast together) and needed to ask for help.

(AND how is it that many of the things made in these countries (that I’ve lived in in Asia) make all this cheap crap but export it to Canada, to never have it here again?).

Meat thermometer – no go.

String?  Well, first they offered some baby fine thread which I tried to emphasize would go up in smoke in the oven.  Then they pulled out some metal, Christmassy looking stuff which I shook my head at.  Finally, bless them for trying so hard, pulled out shoe laces — um… to wrap around roast …  no thank you, but thank you for trying to help!

Never fear guests that read this, no shoes laces will be used on the beef.

But I may need to break into the chips and dip tonight to encourage me on …

Holidays

Tis the season of Christmas parties and talk of holidays.  If you work at a university and aren’t teaching during your break, you could have up to 10 weeks of paid vacation coming to you.  So naturally the talk at said parties is about up coming plans for the break.

Now, for some reason, I’ve befriended numerous divers, which is great, but I don’t dive.  And the really painful part is that the new ones don’t remember that I don’t dive so end up asking me (when I mention about our trip to Malaysia) about where we are going and specifically mention sites that have great diving.

Then there are the new-to-me folks that ask me why I don’t dive.  I generally say that I can’t handle the pressure on my ears – which is true.  But there is another, more pertinent reason why I don’t and to quote Axl Rose:

I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

And!  I jump at nature shows when something comes flying up on the screen.  SO I can only imagine that in real life I’d end up swatting some endangered fish and smash into fragile, 1000 year old coral in my attempts to get away from a slug.

So, no.  I don’t dive.

I do sit on lovely beaches.  I do drink wine and eat really expensive food and appreciate my surroundings. I am, generally, a good conversationalist.  But can we please change the topic to something that I don’t need to emphasis due to embarrassment over.  (Secretly I blame my parents for not desensitizing me to ANYTHING as a child.  No scary movies.  Hands over eyes during sex scenes in movies.  No violent shows – minus war movies — because they’re authentic???).

Anyway.  We’re going to Malaysia for our honeymoon!  How exciting.

Marriage and cultural differences

I was recently at a Christmas party and met some new people and it came up that I am married to a Korean.  We’ll skip most of that because it’s boring to me and I can only assume you as well.  Rather, we’ll jump into the juicy bit that everyone craves:  The Cultural Differences.

I’ve mentioned before that people are disappointed in the lack of drama induced by my in-laws (although, potentially, I’m dramatic enough for all of us) but that’s not to say that there aren’t cultural oddities that occur.

Let’s start with a story.  Husband just got back from a 2 week business trip to the US and as per usual found some great deals, although not as many as his boss who, every time they go to the US, needs to borrow some suitcase space in order to lug all his goodies home.

Hubby was unpacking and I was cutting tags off things to sort for laundry when I saw him folding underwear.  Bright, colourful, men’s underwear.

me:  Who’s gonch is that?

him:  what’s “gonch”?

me:  underwear.  who’s underwear is that?

him:  It’s not mine.  Mr. Boss bought it for the employees he-

me:  WHAT? You’re boss bought the staff underwear?  That’s f*cked up.  Who in their right mind buys their staff gonch… OMG.  Can you imagine getting underwear from your boss….  What do you say when you get it?

him:  Nah.  It’s not like that.  We’re Korean.  We don’t care.

me:  But still-

him:  No.  It’s not like that.

Agh.  I was going to do a post about gendered roles and cultural differences but I just don’t have it in me.  So, I’ll leave you with the underwear story.  Talk amongst yourselves and I’ll get into it again at a later date.